Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Rick Perry is the Devil

For those who are happy to espouse the blatantly untrue rhetoric that Rick Perry is “The Job-Creation Miracle Worker” perhaps they should dig a little deeper into what kind of supposed “jobs” he’s creating.

Texas leads the nation in minimum wage workers. Thirty-seven percent of the 211,000 jobs Texas added (by Perry) in 2010 were minimum wage or BELOW.

Couple that with the fact that the Texas unemployment rate has steadily increased (from 7.7 to 8.2 percent) during this supposed job creation time, and what you have are lots of jobs for undocumented workers. Approximately 550,000 workers made $7.25 an hour or lower—and that’s more than double the number of Texans making those wages in 2008.

But the bitter irony is that with 100,000 jobs due to be slashed because of his mismanagement of the state budget, we’re now witnessing a candidate whose entire Presidential Premise is false.

Boy howdy, them Texans are enjoying some serious f*cking prosperity, aren’t they?

Yes, Mr. Perry. You’ve shown sublime perspicacity in fucking your state over. At best, you’re disingenuous; at worst—chock full of self-serving malevolence. You may be the king of the Lone Star State, but the majority of your subjects are barely surviving your tenure.

If this Texan takes the White House, Americans should promptly assume the position; bend over your kitchen tables, let the back-door pillaging commence—President Perry (shudder) would happily deliver Americans a collective fisting.

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist.” ~ The Usual Suspects

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Blatant Self-Promotion: Menopause, Slim-Jim's, Hemorrhoids, Zombies, Vampires...

What do the above all have in common? Well, if you're menopausal and happen to eat, say, twelve Slim-Jim's, (in a hormone-induced rage after a sweaty, sleepless night) you'll probably get a case of hemorrhoids.

But, what they have in common here are books. Behold, a cornucopia of schlock delivered with brilliant literary prowess:

Waiting For Karl Rove by Kat Nove & Jeni Decker

Who are we?

Kat Nove is a native Texan who loathes cowboy boots and would rather insert a colony of fire ants into her ear canal than listen to country western music. Her last wish is to have her ashes placed in the gas tank of her ex-husband’s most expensive vehicle. Many Russian porn bots visit her blog at

Jeni Decker lives on a farm in rural Michigan with her husband, two autistic sons, some chickens, the occasional pig, her dog, and an albino frog named Humbert Humbert. She has two books coming out in the fall of 2011; her memoir I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames and Far From Happy, (PD Publishing).

Kat’s a half-bottle of Stoli away from a twelve-step program and Jeni has suggested that, perhaps, if she doesn’t get out of the house soon, she’ll be spending time in the local pokey for multiple murders. (Don’t judge her.)

See, the thing is, we’re struggling writers and we’ve just self-published a book called Waiting for Karl Rove - an utterly improbably road trip memoir. Think Thelma and Louise—only Thelma’s menopausal, Louise is an erratic big-mouth with a penchant for discussing her hemorrhoids, and they’re on a road trip to wrestle an apology from Karl Rove by any means necessary.

We self-published because Big Publishing is at a crossroads right now. (By crossroads, we mean a steaming, hot mess.) There's a reason literary agents are as irritable as Dick Cheney’s bowel after a bucket of greasy chicken. It’s because they constantly see very talented writers passed over for those who have written the newest vampire tome about angst ridden teens, not to mention former Vice-Presidential candidates from Alaska who have little to say but a huge platform from which to spew it.

It’s truly a sad state of affairs, but it is what it is. And here’s what it is: Beelzebub is driving the gravy train called Big Publishing and rather than stoking the engine room with coal, he’s tossing in shelter puppies and the virginity of pre-pubescent girls, lighting a bonfire sans intégrité under all our asses. It’s just easier to give someone like Heidi Montag or that disingenuous James Frey a publishing contract than take a risk on new (risk-taking) authors. (Or authors who might alienate an entire political party).

Until we manage to get Young Republicans and the entire NRA creaming in their skivvies for a signed copy of our latest book, we’re forced to clamor for new and interesting ways to promote (pimp) ourselves.

PREDICTION: Waiting For Karl Rove will soon have Rush Limbaugh crapping his pants, Geraldo Rivera shaving his mustache, Jon Stewart begging us to be on The Daily Show, and Karl Rove tapping our phones.

We’re giving away a couple of copies on Goodreads this month, so be sure to hop on over and enter:

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Waiting for Karl Rove by Kat Nove

Waiting for Karl Rove

by Kat Nove

Giveaway ends September 01, 2011.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

A Fit of Hissy is a mélange of schlock, a cornucopia of wisdom; observational satire, short stories, delectable musings, and the occasional song parody.

A Fit of Hissy is available in Kindle:

It Was a Dark And Stormy Night ~Pill Hill Press

Among the other horror parodies in this book you'll find my Twilight parody, aptly titled Twilight: A Parody

A Dark and Stormy Night Anthology is available in Kindle:

You can pick up the book at Pill Hill Press:

And last, but certainly not least...

Zombies Ain't Funny (the brain-child of Greg Crites at )is an anthology of humorous zombie tales.

Early reviews:

This conversation piece overflows with hilarity, both in the original stories read alone and double the fun in audio with the narrator's unique voice. Highly recommended, and I challenge you to not laugh! ~ Dream Catcher

This is a solid collection of short stories about the always loveable undead. If you like zombie stories, it's worth picking up! ~Mark D. Ellestad

This book is available on Kindle: or you can get the paperback and/or audio version at Greg's website:

And for a treat, you can check out my contribution to the zombie anthology, McGarrigles Bed, Breakfast & Smoking Cure Farm, as read by Greg Crites:

So get on over and buy some books. Those extra-large Pull-Ups (for autistic kids who can't seem to get the concept of shitting on the toilet) aren't buying themselves. Besides, if you're like me and have overdosed on all the recent debt ceiling drama (AKA: WTF is going on in Congress?!?) you could probably use a laugh.