Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Waiting for Karl Rove

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It was an inspired idea. All I had to do was convince Kat.

“So, what do you think about packing up and heading out to visit Karl Rove?”

Thus began a road trip that started with two separate terrorist incidents at the San Antonio Airport—both attributed to us—and ended with an FBI interrogation.

Most of what happened in between is a hazy horror-show that we’d both sooner forget. Unfortunately, my predilection for always having a camera handy assured every humiliating detail would forever be captured on film.

When I dreamed up this little scheme to find Karl Rove and throttle an apology out of him, I did not count on being accosted by Junior Hillbilly in an outhouse, chased by Geraldo Rivera, ...or witnessing Gollum the rest stop masturbator jerking his way to crazy town. Kat got tasered (twice!) and humped a Teabaggers leg at the Alamo, I stripped at La Teta Pequeña, and one of us woke up in bed next to an Elvis impersonator after a long night of drinking on the Vegas strip.

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Then we wrote a book about it. And now we’re ready to publish.

Our ultimate goal: Appear on The Daily Show and make ridiculous sums of money after selling the movie rights to Harvey Weinstein.

Oh shit…I think this means I have to compose a query letter.


I don’t suppose the following will suffice?

Waiting for Karl Rove is…

75,461 words
629 footnotes
351 pages
2 authors
1 good fucking book

If you become befuddled by the first person perspective told from the point of view of dual-protagonists, you’re probably just stupid. That’s a personal problem as far as we can see; yours, not ours.

We are two writers on a wild road trip to the top of the New York Times Bestseller List and this book is blatant self-promotion.

And what is this titillating tome about, you ask?

Think Thelma and Louise—only Thelma’s menopausal, Louise is an erratic big-mouth with a penchant for discussing her hemorrhoids, and they’re on a road trip to wrestle an apology from Karl Rove by any means necessary.

That’s really all you need to know.

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