Making Porn With Mom

My mother tells me when I was a shy little girl in kindergarten, I wrote a story about a gumball machine, apparently comparing the little round balls of varying colors to people in the world. I'd share the poem with you, but my mother wasn't exactly the type of parent who kept those kinds of things. No little shoebox of priceless memories or scrapbooks full of photos for her. I'm guessing she read it, smiled, then rolled something into the tiny piece of paper and smoked it.

I should note, my mother is the type of mother who would, years later, wake me with a three a.m. phone call, "I just had the best idea for a porn movie!!" What followed was a three hour trip to a local store the next day, where I was horrified to find the toy dolls made for young girls now look suspiciously like whores. Out of this shopping adventure came a three page script for a movie that could only be described as Barbie-Porn.

**WARNING: DANGER, DANGER WILL ROGERS! IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY NAUGHTY SUBJECT MATTER, DOLLS HAVING SEX, OR PIMPS, YOU MIGHT CONSIDER CLICKING AWAY. IF NOT, BY ALL MEANS, PARTAKE!**