Monday, August 30, 2010

Thong, thong, thong, thong, WRONG!

It’s not often that I am stopped short as I amble down the feminine hygiene aisle at my local Wal-Mart, but I was this weekend.

Yes. Someone, somewhere, thought a thong pantiliner was an appropriate idea. That someone was an idiot. Here’s the thing: there are only two reasons why a woman would need a pantiliner in the first place.

One: It’s that time of month.

Two: Leakage issues.

I never thought this was something I’d have to publicly address, but here we are. If you are someone who falls into Category One, why are you wearing a thong? Your trendy, polka-dot Hanes Hip-Hugger Cotton Briefs were all in the laundry?

If you happen to fall into Category Two and you’ve got leaky pipes, let me be the first to inform you that you have passed the thong stage.

Yes…there is a thong stage. If you cannot cough, laugh, sneeze or fart without dribbling a little in your skivvies, your thong days are over. While I can sympathize with the Gotta-Go, Gotta-Go, Gotta-Go Right Now! phenomenon, I cannot sympathize if you continue to wear a thong.

That’s just stupid and, frankly, unhygienic.

…now back to your regularly scheduled blog.


  1. Oh, Jeni, don't spoil my fun!

    I like to watch the idiots dribble all over their white pants on their heaviest days because they were too stupid to dress appropriate for the occation.


  2. I am convinced a man 'invented' this stupidity, because thinking that a woman would try to market this ridiculousness to other women might cause me to have a brief but painful psychotic break! ;)

  3. I'm so out of the loop -- I didn't even know there was such a thing. It amazes me that somebody actually thought it was a good idea and spent cash to turn it into a product. If they need more stupid ideas, I'm sure I could come up with a couple. Maybe a velcro tampon so it stays in place.

  4. Velcro Tampon! haha That's priceless.

    Frightening and gross, but PRICELESS!

    Thanks for the laugh Doralynn.